I am anticipating a visit this weekend from the love of my life. Well, technically I’m writing this on Sunday night so it’s still the weekend but this coming up Saturday is the day. Last time we saw each other in person was the 24th of last month. That’s a long time of texting, face timing, and talking on the phone. She’s driving down here this time. Last time I drove up there. I’ve never had a long distance relationship before now. Those of you who have know that it’s really hard. Especially if you actually want to be with the other person. Last night we face timed for like almost 3 hours. That’s harder on me because I can see her sweet face and I want to kiss her and I can’t. Hey Apple, Can you get on that invention where you can actually kiss someone on face time? Because that would be fucking awesome!
So, we all know how it is when you’re going to have a visitor to your house. You get all freaked out about everything and even if your house is clean it’s not clean anymore. Yeah, well, that’s been me. I’ve like done everything. That and I pay to have my house cleaned and it’s supposed to be cleaned the Thursday before she arrives but that’s not good enough. So, I’ve been frantically trying to make sure everything is perfect. I mean when you have regular visitors to your house you want it to look good but this is more than just another visitor. This is my love. Not only does the house need to be perfect but I need to be perfect, too. You all know what I’m talking about. Shave the legs, paint the nails, wax stuff, and well, you know just get everything as perfect as possible. I’m cooking for her so tomorrow is the grocery store trip. Though I’ve been waiting for a month all of a sudden I’m like sacred I’m not going to get it all done in time. But honestly even if I don’t, I’m still glad it’s so close to time. I can barely contain myself. I’m like a kid who knows he’s getting the most awesome present ever and Christmas is 5 days away. Yeah, I’m that excited. I’m just a big kid anyway. I get so excited and I show it.
I don’t know if I’ve shared this fact yet with my readers but the roommate is also the ex, who found Jesus. This has been a source of friction. She flipped when she found out I was talking to someone. Mind you people, we haven’t been together as a couple for 11 years. That’s a long time. We were friends but just friends. She has been psycho bitch or bipolar bitch, since she found out. It has not been pleasant. One minute she’s trying to get me saved and the next she’s saying inappropriate things to me. I did tell her that if this was too much for her that maybe she needed to move out. There has been arguing and fussing everyday. She doesn’t want to move or says she can’t? I’m not really convinced of this fact. I just don’t know what her deal is. But it is my house so I’m not moving. Anyway we’ve been friends for 14 years and I told her I didn’t want to hate her but she’s really driving me toward it, rapidly. Today she has preached to me all day. I couldn’t even watch tv without the bombardment of preaching. You know what? If you want to go to church and you make that choice then do it. If I don’t then don’t shove Jesus down my throat. Oh my god! Lesbian drama. Well ex lesbian drama? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is I want her to leave because I can’t live in constant turmoil. I’m not built for that. I have a stressful job. I don’t need stress 24/7. This one is to be continued about her moving out. However I did tell her she was going to need to be gone for 5 days coming up and she’s known for awhile and has agreed to do it. I believe she’ll do it if not for the simple fact that she’s scared of Cybil. No, not Cybil Shepherd, My Cybil. That part of me that’s the crazy fucking bitch that will do stuff that in myself I’d never do. The one who doesn’t care what the neighbors think. The one who will beat someone’s ass if need be. Yeah, that one. Cybil is a crazy fucking bitch, let me tell you. She scares me so, I’m sure she scares the hell out of other people. Anyway, I’m sure she’ll do what I asked because of that fear of Cybil. She would rather not deal with her. If she doesn’t do what I’ve asked then, ta da! Heeeerrrreeee’s Cybil! So, like I said, she will.
As I was saying, Saturday is the big day! I get to wrap my arms around my baby and finally kiss her. The good part is that I think she’s as excited as me. But we are different people and where as I’m like all spastic and over the top with excitement she is more of a calm person. That’s probably a good thing? I don’t know, if we were both like me it’d be, a little much. That and I need a calm person in my life to steady me. I’m like 99 mph almost all the time. So, to have someone say, calm down, is a good thing. I love everything about her but that keeping me a little grounded is a wonderful thing for me to have. I think she’s just perfect for me. That and I know she loves me for me. Me and my over the top, 99 mph, high-strung, opinionated, talkative, self. That is a wonderful feeling.
We keep talking about the first thing we’re going to want to do. I think both of us agree that hugging and kissing is at the very top of the list. I could kiss her for hours and actually have. You take for granted when you’re in a relationship that’s with someone local that you can just drive to their house and kiss and hug them anytime. But when you’re almost 8 hours away, that’s not easy. I’ve missed everything about her since a month ago. What I’ve missed most though is hard to say because there’s so many things. Her kisses though are one of a kind. I do miss kissing her a lot. I miss holding her hand. I miss holding her in my arms. I miss snuggling up to her in the middle of the night. I miss it all. I can’t contain myself sometimes. Those conversations we have that are mostly telling each other how much we love each other. Those conversations I usually end up crying. Not because I’m sad usually. I end up crying out of happiness. Happiness that I’m so blessed to have finally found someone who loves me so much and that I love more than anything or anybody, ever. I only thought I was in love before. I know what real love feels like now and I’m not letting that go. No matter distance. No matter circumstances. I’m not giving up on this kind of love. I’ll never find it again. I’m in it whole heartedly. For the long haul, however long it takes. She’s the one I want to be with forever. Forever love is worth whatever it takes to make it happen. Am I right?
I have never had anyone to make me feel this way. I have never had anyone to be so good to me. I have never had anyone to excite me like this before. I have never had anyone kiss me like she does. I’ve never been treated like she treats me. I’ve never been told how beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, cute, smart, that I am. Oh and folks the other day she got me good. I’ve really never been called a goddess before. I was speechless. I know, me? Speechless? Hard to believe it myself. The thing though with Steph, is that she’s just her. She’s not putting on airs. She’s just the way she is. She’s honest and forthcoming. She isn’t trying to impress me. She knows she’s got me. But even before that, she has never been fake. I hate fake people. I love that she’s herself with me. I love that. But goddess? Wow, I still kind of can’t believe she called me that. If I were a conceded person that would’ve blown my ego through the roof. Instead, I’m just amazed by it every time I think of it. That she thinks that much of me. It just gets me.
So, the longest 5 days of my life so far. That is probably true? I know I’ve been marking the days off the calendar. It’s so close now. I know we have plans to go places and do stuff around here and we will do those. But the most important part is that we have 5 days together and that’s the part I’m looking forward to most. Just being with her, no matter what we do. I love her with all of me. Everything I have to love her with, I love her with. I want to spoil her rotten. I want to make her happy. When she’s happy, I’m happy. And I’m hoping we are both going to be overwhelmingly happy for 5 days in just 5 days. Like I ask her all the time, how did I get so lucky?