So, I actually told Steph that I was going to share with everyone the text that I wrote her the other morning. I try to wake up and write her a little note every morning before she goes to work. As much as I didn’t mean for it to be a poem or maybe even a short story, it kind of came out that way. We spent 3 and 1/2 glorious days together recently and it felt so good just to be able to sleep in the bed together and it’s like I’ve been missing that ever since. So, here it is folks. Proof I’ve fallen so hard and unlike the lady on the lifeline commercial, I don’t want to get up. The text was as follows…
“These r the times I miss u the most. When I wake up half asleep and reach out for u but no ones there. Just the empty bed. This is when I know ur not here. I can’t slide over to u and put my arms around u and squeeze u just enough to have u groggily say, mmmm. Then I kiss the side of ur face and pull u into me as far as possible and lay awake for a moment just taking u all in. Every little detail. I don’t know what time it is and I don’t care because I have the love of my life wrapped in my arms and it’s the moments like this that I live for. No pressure. No demands, just pure unconditional love. Maybe I’ll run my hands up and down ur side, back, face, hair. Maybe I’ll lightly scratch ur back because I know u like that. But mostly I know that while ur sleeping I’ll lay there and look at u and hope and pray that I never ever lose u. Tears will begin to prick at my eyes and my heart starts to pound in my chest because I know that I myself would rather die than for you to. That’s when I realize that I love you more than my own life. That’s when I realize that I always want this. I always want u beside me in the middle of the night so that I can realize every night how much I love u. I look down at your face while u sleep and I can tell that ur dreaming and I only hope that all ur good dreams include me. I kiss the side of ur face softly and snuggle into u. I love u more at this moment than I have ever realized before. I know in this moment the miles between us seem astronomical. I know in this moment that nothing could keep me from u. Miles, job, family, friends, finances, nothing. I smile and snuggle closer and know that I want this the rest of my life, forever and always and that I’ll do whatever it takes to get this. I love you more than mere words can express. U leave me speechless in ur presence sometimes and that’s never happened to me before. I don’t know but after I got to writing this I thought? This is more like a poem or short story that a text. I may tweak it and use it later? But this is what I felt when I automatically reached for u and realized u weren’t here and then the next thing I reached for was my phone to see if ud text me and if not I was going to text u and then it turned into this. I told u you’re my muse. I love you Steph!!!! More than mere words could ever express.”
Y’all, I absolutely adore this woman! I really don’t know what I would do if she ever stopped loving me. I’m sure I bug the ever living shit out of her some days. She never bugs me though. I want her with me 24/7. I know I’ve said it before but I’ve never been in love like this before. I’ve turned into this big gushy, lovey dovey, head over heels in love sap! I swear this has never been me. Really, I swear, I haven’t. I just had to share this and share that it did make a pretty happy woman that morning. Which if she’s happy then I’m happy. So, I guess it made two happy women, that morning?
The Unfortunate End
A Poem by Karen Lyles
I wish it would’ve ended differently for you.
I struggle with the thoughts that you knew.
I struggle with the things that you held in your view.
I wish this life would’ve not treated you so cruel.
They’re only wishes that will never come true.
Somehow I wish I could’ve made them come true for you.
This is now unfortunately part of my truth.
Still I wish it would’ve ended differently for you.
I will love and miss you forever. I know this is true.
Never did I imagine this end for you and somehow I imagine that you didn’t too.
I have hate in my heart for what He did to you.
God how could He have done this thing to you?
The years and the visions you held so true.
How could things have ended so badly for you?
All your devotion and love given to; the one who could’ve changed the ending for you.
I wish it would’ve ended differently for you.
But now I know my wish will never come true.
Because it has already ended badly for you.
And there is nothing that I can do.
A Poem by Karen Lyles
The waters were murky as I stood watching the waves lap at my feet.
I was afraid as my heart pounded against my chest.
The wind scorched my skin from sheer cold.
I couldn’t do it.
I could not make myself leave the sand of the shore.
I thought of the pain from being alone.
I thought of the pain from heartbreak.
I thought of the tenderness that I longed to share with another woman.
I took a step.
The water was cold against my bare toes.
I wanted to pull back.
I wanted to run.
I couldn’t go forward but I couldn’t go back either.
Why was I so afraid?
I took a deep breath and stepped forward again.
The cold of the water over took my feet.
I looked out over the waters.
There was nothing but the water and the sky.
It was beautiful.
Maybe this won’t be such an awful way to die?
Why can’t I be what everyone expects me to be?
Why have I let everyone down?
Once again, I move toward the deep.
The waters are taking over my knees now.
I’m cold to the core of my soul.
There was no need.
No one was ever going to complete me.
I was a lost soul.
A lost soul-searching for something that would make me feel whole.
I stepped in the waters further.
My thighs became engulfed with the cold. Cold, the way I felt already.
Cold throughout my mind, body and soul. Nothing would ever warm me again.
I stepped again.
The wetness surrounded my waist.
The waves crashed into my chest.
This was good.
Now my body was as numb as I was inside.
I went to step another step.
I hear someone.
She’s calling from somewhere but I can’t tell where from.
I go to step.
I hear her voice more clearly now.
She’s calling me.
I wanted to die.
I wanted to give up.
Where was she?
Was I hallucinating?
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back into the wind.
She was there.
She was there behind the lids of my eyes. She was in my mind.
I know her.
Somehow, I know her.
I feel her pain.
It’s a lot like mine.
I sink into her eyes.
Her voice is comforting but arousing my body at the same time.
I shook my head trying to get her out.
She didn’t leave.
She embraced me.
I felt warm even as my body was physically engulfed by the cold.
I didn’t want to open my eyes because I was afraid she’d be gone forever if I did.
I was afraid to speak.
I was afraid to breathe.
As her embrace tightened, I surrendered. As her lips took mine, I shivered but this time not from the cold.
As I looked into her eyes, I loved her.
The hot tears running down my cheeks burned like fire.
I was burning throughout my body.
I knew her and didn’t even know her name. I knew her however.
Nothing and no one had ever made me feel this alive.
I was alive.
She saved me that day.
The day she invaded my heart.
She saved me.
I don’t know how she knew.
I don’t know why she cared but she saved me.
Maybe she’ll never know that I was drowning that day.
The day she came into my life.
Maybe she’ll never know that she is my hero.
I know, that day she changed my life.
That day she completed my soul.
That day she became the only one I’d ever really loved.
That day she mended all my brokenness and made me whole.
I know, that I will never let her go.